Reposted from Daily Kos Elections by David Nir
• VA-Gov: It’s “Choose Your Own Adventure” day in the Old Dominion. If you think Ken Cuccinelli is a radical extremist who wants to ban birth control and had a shutdown-shaped anvil dropped on his head by his fellow Republicans in D.C., turn to page 15. There, you find a Roanoke College poll showing Cuccinelli trailing Terry McAuliffe 46-31, with Libertarian Robert Sarvis at 9. That’s widened considerably from a 41-36 T-Mac lead earlier this month.
If you think McAuliffe is a sleazy businessman and Democratic hack who’s only in contention thanks to the Gang of Five, turn to page 4. There you see Quinnipiac University featuring McAuliffe ahead just 45-41 (and Sarvis again at 9), down from his 46-39 edge just a week ago.
Turn to page 6: You hear staccato bursts of gunfire and smell the unmistakable odor of smoldering ruins all around you. Wondering where you are, a pasty man with crazed eyes scurries past, clutching gold bricks to his chest. “Welcome to Mogadishu!” he exclaims. And suddenly it hits you: You’re in a Randian paradise, which is why the Libertarian candidate is at 12 percent according to Hampton University (with McAuliffe somehow still ahead 42-36). As you get struck down by a bullet yourself and draw your last breath, you finally figure out who John Galt is.
Turn to page 7: You reluctantly reach your hand into a dark recess, trying but failing to ignore the ectoplasm coating the cavity. You make contact with something disturbingly plastic that you sense could change at any moment. Grasping at this hideous horror, you tear it from its moorings to expose it to the harsh light of day. “McAuliffe lead shrinks 10 points!” it shrieks. “Up just 43-36! Was up 17 just a week ago!” Disgusted, you unclench your fist, allowing Rasmussa, the shapeshifter from the fevered depths of Wingnuttia, to fall to the ground, whereupon you stomp it to death—but knowing it will resurrect itself by next week.
Turn to page 18: Your vision is blotted out by a psychedelic wash of colors, and you hear trippy sitar music off in the distance. Nothing really seems to make sense here: Gravity’s a mess, and even time doesn’t seem to be flowing in a forward direction. That would help explain why, with less than a week to Election Day, a cackling John Zogby is telling nobody in particular that 18 percent of voters are still undecided. Laughter envelops you and you wake up giggling, realizing it was all just a hilariously bad dream.
No matter what, though, one thing is for certain: Ken Cuccinelli chose wrong….Share on Facebook